Wednesday, July 30, 2008

ECLECTIC COMPUTER

You may have something in common with a world-class athlete:
Jackie Joyner Kersee is an Asthmatic; Bob Beamon is a Diabetic; Greg Louganis has HIV; Bruce Jenner is afflicted with Arthritis; Peggy Fleming is a Cancer Survivor and Mark Spitz has High Cholesterol.


The folks who keep sending me swift-boating mail about Barack Obama send this latest missive...which I have altered. It does, however, have a clever punch line.
As the story goes, Barack is in East Texas, and he asked his audience of children for total quiet.
Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.
Then he said into the microphone, 'Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence.'
Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said: ''Well, stop clapping!'

ON THE SUBJECT OF HILLBILLIES.....

Top Ten Country & Western Songs...................

10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine

9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman, But I Woke Up With a Few

8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

7. I've Missed You, But My Aim Is Improvin'

6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win

5. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here

4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him

3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger

2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer

And the Number One Country & Western song is...

1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass Out All Day Long.

A friend at XM Satellite send a note to say: Here's the deal....
The FCC voted to approve our merger, if we make a "voluntary contribution" to the US Treasury of 20 million dollars. (used to be you could deliver a couple suitcases of cash to the appropriate government official and that's all there was to it) Nowadays, they want you to cut a check and put it on the table for everybody to see.
SO, that was Friday night, Monday we "cut the check" and today,we're a merged company known as Sirius XM Radio, Inc.
The new management team will assume their duties and the integration of the two companies will begin soon. Meantime, our new CEO, Mel Karmazin says that he thanks the NAB "a lot" for spending so much time and money trying to prove to the government that we compete with them. The entire point was that we don't compete with each other as much as we compete with other media, like AM, FM, MP3 players, cell phones, games, etc, etc, etc. The NAB helped push this through. To my radio buddies that said this would never happen, I can only say, you should never say never when you're dealing with the government and especially, the FCC.
On a personal note: I have a feeling that a lot of the music formats are going to be cut. Simple duplication deduction. Other music formats will be thinned out. Specialty programs will remain...and increase. Howard Stern, Sports, NPR and other News Outlets. Podcasting will give them some problems. There's a lot of music around. People like to hear their favorites, and they carry them with them as they travel.



The first man married a woman from OHIO. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day,he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from MICHIGAN. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from TEXAS. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

1 Comments:

At 3:03 PM CDT, OpenID xrzPLEQkvMrPDJdIPabOpcV9U0Lh said...

Hey Max,

20 million is pocket change for Uncle Mel.

 

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