ECLECTIC COMPUTER

SIGN OF THE TIMES:
A young couple selling their four little black puppies in front of the Kroger (grocery) store.

DO THE GIRLS ALL GET PRETTIER AT CLOSING TIME?
Sounds like the makings of a good ole country music song. As a matter of fact, it is. (MICKEY GILLEY)
Case in point: As I was preparing to leave the pet food section of the local Wal-Mart Super Center I set my eyes on a beautiful damsel: Well-dressed, curvy and immaculately made-up. And another, and still another. Not the usual ladies I have seen at Sam Walton's emporium.
Seems to me that since the economy has gone "south", they have chosen to bypass Macy's, Dillard's, Nordstrom's and Lord & Taylor for less expensive digs.

WAKE UP CALL!
One of my daily ablushions is to get up in the morning and splash cold water on my face. And there is nothing better than doing this up north.
On our recent trips to Canada, Michigan, New York and Illinois I did exactly that---splashed that ice cold water on my face. WOW!
Living in Texas it's not the same; faucet water is shower warm.
Why so? The water pipes in the northern tier of states is buried far below the frost line to protect them from freezing and so they remain ice cold. Whereas in the south, the water lines are a few inches below the surface.
Best wake up splash: The well water from deep below Tim Linn Lake near Rhinelander, Wisconsin.

DIS AND DAT
I wondered why one of our neighbors was sprinkling little white balls on her lawn. She told me they were moth balls...and they would keep the dogs from "pooping" on her grass. (Now they move on to the neighbors turf)

NO MORE BOOKS, PLEASE
Ah for the good old days when Ma Bell had a monopoly on phone service...and phone books. We must have a dozen of those directories in our kitchen cabinet. That is a lot of trees.

WAS THIS REALLY WRITTEN BY PAUL HARVEY?

SNOPES.COM DOESN'T DISPUTE IT, SO I'LL PASS IT ON....

Paul Harvey Writes:

We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.

I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.

I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.

I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.
And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.

It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.

I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.

I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room,but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.

When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her.

I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.

If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.

I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.

When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boy\girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.

May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it.. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.

May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.

I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hannukah/Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.

These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.
Written with a pen. Sealed with a kiss. I'm here for you. And if I die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you.

Thanks, Paul.

WHILE DRIVING BACK FROM THE WINDY CITY....

I must confess "I Love Chicago". The City of Broad Shoulders. Meat Supplier to the World. Home of the Cubs, White Sox, Black Hawks, Bulls and Da Bears! Best variety of food on Planet Earth. Nice people. Hard working people. The Town that Billy Sunday 'could not shut down'. Get anywhere with public transportation. Some of the best radio jocks showed-off their talent here.

We have kids in Chicago. We have good friends in Chicago. This was an opportunity for one of our grandgirls to meet all of this. To be introduced to the Chicago Hot Dog...and Chicago Pizza...and Shedd Aquarium and the Field Museum. To sit upstairs on the Chicago Northwestern Commuter train as a thundered past the Cumberland, Park Ridge and Des Plaines' stations. My kinda town Chicago Is!!!

The 2500 mile trip started in Dallas.
A stop in Piggott, Arkansas to see Auntie Ann who is not feeling well.
A visit with her son, Wayne, who lost an argument with a SUV while riding his motorcycle. He fractured some bones in his neck, busted up two arms, but surprisingly, he's doing quite well.

Best price for gasoline was in MO. Both ways. Going up, it was in the $3.50 range. Coming back, it was in the $3.40 range.

It all started with an invitation to be at another grandgirl's wedding...in Flint, Michigan. But that's tomorrow's episode.

THE SATURDAY FUNNIES!!!

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day.

Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.


In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been "called home to glory" following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:


To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!
I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
***********************************************************************************
Q: Why can't men get Mad Cow Disease? A: Because it only attacks the brain.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor.
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A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of hard times,
approaches a well dressed gentleman on the street. "Hey, Buddy,
can you spare two dollars?"

The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You are not going to spend
it on liquor are you?" "No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum.
"You are not going to throw it away in some crap game, are you?"
asks the gentleman. "No way, I don't gamble," answers the bum.
"You wouldn't waste the money at a golf course for greens fees,
would you?" asks the man. "Never," says the bum, "I don't play golf."

The man asks the bum if he would like to come home with him for a
home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly. While they are heading for
the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of him. "Isn't
your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your table?"

"Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her
to see what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, gamble or play golf!"
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DAMN, I'TS GOOD TO BE A MAN!
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too "yucky".
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress $5000, Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me."
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes
Damn, it's Good to be a Man

 

ON MY WAY TO CATCH A TRAIN...

Signs of the Times:
Thursday, July 31st 7:30 AM-Garland, Texas.

Folks are lined up at the ReCycling Warehouse with shopping carts full of Aluminum cans in big black garbage bags.

Why do people wear those silly cell phones in their ears?
Nothing is as stupid as watching a person walking down the street talking to themselves.
Back in the good ole days, we would of had them put away.
One more thing. Haven't they heard that cell phones give you brain cancer?

How much gas would we save if we did away with drive-thru fast-food restaurants?
Get off your fat duff, take a walk and go into the store.

From the August 4th issue of Time:

3 of the 10 Questions asked of John Madden...whom I think is a sports authority; an honest guy; and one that doesn't pull any punches.

Q1: NFL rookies are paid a large sum of money before they even step on the field. Do you think they should be paid that much?

....that's the system. I think there will be times a guy will be overpaid, and there will be times a guy will be paid a lot of money and he'll get to a position where he's underpaid. You just try to get a system that is close to being fair to the players and owners as it can be. And you really can't include the fans in there, because I've never seen them give any money back to the fans.

Q2: Do you think professional football players should be considered role models?

Yes, I do, and I think it ought to even be written in their contracts. I don't think they have the right to say they are or they're not, because they are. And they ought to accept that.

Q3: What advise would you give Brett Favre on his current retirement flip-flop?

Once he leaves and doesn't come back, he's never, ever, ever, ever going to be able to come back. So this is a big decision for him.....Do what your heart tell you to do, and enjoy it. If I were the Packers' general manager, I would take him back and play him. And anyone who says bring him back as a back up doesn't know what they're taking about.

Nuff said from John....and I concur.
Nuff said from me.